Oh where to begin?! I haven't posted in months. I know, I feel bad. I abandoned you all. I'm a bad blogger. Slap me around if you need to.
In all seriousness, I am going to make myself be more dedicated to this. I miss it. I miss having an outlet to vent. I miss people telling me they understand where I am coming from.
For the last, however long it has been, Jake has been pretty consistent. We have good days and we have bad days. He is currently on the other couch, watching Spongebob at 11:10 pm, instead of sleeping, with the pointed corner of a quilt running it along the outline of his top lip, whispering things to himself. He is peaceful. I wonder what he is telling himself, but he is quiet enough that only he hears it. He does this A LOT lately. I notice him repeating things he hears on the radio, television, in a conversation. I'm not really sure what to make of it. But it doesn't hurt anyone, so we will just go with it. It seems to be calming. Maybe I should whisper to myself! I can tell he's upset that he can't fall asleep. I'm not gonna lie, I wish he was asleep too.
He graduated Preschool in May. I am going to miss his teacher, she was awesome. He doesn't want a new teacher or new class. He HATES change like you wouldn't believe. I discussed this with several staff members at his school. In our district, you have the option to request specific teachers so I did my homework, surveyed several people about options and decided on 4 suitable options. Someone firm, but understanding of kids like him, willing to be in contact with me regularly, with a set routine, etc. I was assured that they would see to it he was placed with someone appropriate. Went Friday to look and he got none of the people I requested. There is no one in office this week to take my phone call; they should be happy about this! The same person that assured me she would be an integral part of his placement is one of the people that helped me arrive at my list of teachers. She also failed to get a booster seat placed for him on the bus last year, causing issues because he can't be still and failed to return my phone calls regarding an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) until 2 weeks of school remained, then told me it was too late. I don't think she wants to be my friend. I would love to be her friend, but she is making it difficult! She will help me or I will go above her head.
He is now beside me "reading" me a book. He can't read, by the way. He is making up a story according to the pictures. It's about bugs. He's still not sleepy! He just asked me if he could have another pill yet. (He takes Melatonin at night to help him fall asleep. )
I saw a picture today that was about a child with autism. It had little quirks written randomly around it. He does every single one of them. I should be happy that they say he isn't autistic, but I'm honestly not. Because he does textbook autistic things, but he makes eye contact on occasion and he talks to people. So they say he isn't. I think he could get more help with that diagnosis.
I try to take him and his little brother to do things during the day while my hubby is at work, but it is stressful for all of us. He doesn't listen to me, ever. I would love to take him to the public pool, but we went last year and he took off running and jumped back into the water, completely dressed, on our way out. I see other families doing things like this and they look so peaceful and I am jealous. I can't go to the store without having to worry what will happen. Walmart is hell lately. If Jake isn't flipping out about something, Charley is acting up. He didn't have terrible two's but he is having a difficult time with the three's! I count down the minutes until Allen comes home at night so I have some help, even when it hasn't been a 'bad' day. I feel bad that I expect him to work all day and then come home and help me. But I would go crazy without that help. Sometimes I just wish I could run away for a little while. I DID go see Magic Mike with my cousin the other day and Allen stayed home with the boys. Even the midnight showing. It felt amazing to do something normal, without having to pull two screaming kids apart. But I felt bad because he was at home while I was out. I feel bad because I resent him for working. He 'gets' to go out and socialize with adults while I 'have' to stay home with the kids. That's a jacked up way to think. I love that I have gotten to be the one to raise my kids, but there are still days where I just can't help but feel, for lack of better word, trapped. Again, jacked up logic.
Well, I apologize for the randomness of this post. I just wanted to make a proclamation of my intent to be a better blogger. Maybe I will do it now that I will feel accountable for my slacking! Please, feel free to comment or hit me up on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/traceyjsloan
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